Kickstart My Fart [Part 2]

How'd it go? Depends on who you ask I suppose.

In case you're not up to speed. This morning Chuck Buda and I sat down at a Panera Bread in Central Jersey to conduct a writers retreat of sorts. We were originally supposed to have author Tim Meyer join as as well, but as you'll find out if you haven't read Part 1, things changed just a tad.

The long and short of the plan is that we would spend the morning writing in a sociable setting utilizing good company and motivational chatting to kick our writing output into high gear. If all went well, we would treat ourselves to a pint or two at one of New Jersey's many local breweries. Sounds like a good way to spend a Sunday, don't you think?

The music ambiance is terrible here.

So, how'd it go? I enjoyed the hell out of the experience. It was the first time I wrote in a social situation. I was surprised to find it wasn't very distracting. Chuck and I chit chatted a bit while we ate some breakfast. Once I put away my breakfast sandwich, I popped open the laptop and got to work.

I started out by writing the blog post from this morning. I like to use the blog format to get my mind wound up into writing gear. It worked like a charm. After snapping a few shots for the blog and posting it up, Chuck and I engaged in some more writerly banter. Then it was time to get into the main project.

Normally I try to use a kitchen timer and write in 15 minute bursts but since we were trying this casual writing situation, I skipped on the timer and figured I would write in a burst that lasted as long as it would last.  I spit out a good chuck of words and I really have no clue how long the burst was.

Chuck struggled to find the words today.

I refreshed my cup of coffee and got into some more writerly conversation with Chuck. Between writing sessions we talked about what we were working on, our approaches to self-publishing and even some podcast chatter as well. It was nice, I felt productive even when I wasn't tapping away at the keys.

It went back and forth between writing and talking for about three hours. By noon I'd written better then 1500 words (never even kept accurate count from where I started to where I ended.) I could see Chuck was tapped out as well. I suggested either changing locations or grabbing lunch elsewhere or even getting to a brewery a bit early.

Chuck said he just wasn't feeling up to much else on the day. I was cool with that. We'd spent three hours together. We'd done what we set out to do even if there were some bumps in the plan. We both agreed it is something we should do again sometime soon.

Lots of writing: Happy. No beer: Sad.

So when our schedules clear and the Meyer household is back in good health, we'll once again assemble and write the next Great American Novel around a table at a cafe somewhere in New Jersey.

And I'll be sure to bore you with all the details as a selfish writing exercise. Until then keep reading and keep writing.

Kickstart My Fart [Part 1]

Okay, so it's not quite what we planned but we're still dedicated to the cause. I'm sitting in a Panera Bread looking across the booth at the half-sexy horror writer, Chuck Buda. We were supposed to be in Ocean, NJ in a similar setting but our writing compatriot, Tim Meyer but he had to bow out at the last minute as the plague of pandemic that has America in its grips may have struck they Meyer household. 

Order of sexiness from L to R: Chuck Buda, Frank J Edler, Tim Meyer

Chuck was already en route so he peeled off the asphalt monster known as The Garden State Parkway and rerouted to a location a little closer to where he was on his journey to south Jersey. As you already know, we're in Sayreville, the cradle of independent horror writing in New Jersey, at least for today.

It's all Chuck's idea. He wanted to get together with Tim and I and do a sort of writer's retreat. Chuck has been struggling to find his groove like Stella. To be honest, I'm in a similar boat. Life is just consuming far too much valuable writing time. When you get out of your writing rhythm it's easy to start procrastinating and putting it aside and tell yourself you'll get to it later. And later never comes. 

So the great Buda is thinking if we break the cycle and get together, roundtable style it will invigorate and inspire the writer within us to double down and get back into action. I like this. I've never written in the company of others before. Writing is typically a solitary effort. This makes it social. And if feels good, like acrylic nails tracing the contours of your back. 

I housed that hipster breakfast

Well, this blog is the first thing I'm doing now that I've put a hipster worthy avocado, egg white and artisan cheese sandwich on sprouted grain bread into my tummy. The coffee is hot but getting steadily colder as I ignore it and focus on the words. That's good. Cold coffee is a great indication that I'm in the zone.

So this little exercise is over. It's time to peck away at the more important words. Please excuse my selfish little indulgence on the blog this morning. I hope you get some measure of entertainment out of it and please, share your little tips, tricks or hacks for getting yourself into the zone of whatever it is that you keep holding yourself back from.

I'll check in a little later and let you know how it goes. If we do well we've promised ourselves a trip to the local brewery!

Chuck is in the zone!

P.S.: Miss ya Timmy!

A Year In Reading 2017

Like many, I enjoy reflecting on the many titles I've read over the past year. Thank goodness for Goodreads.com where I can actively track the books I've read over time. As has become tradition, I'd like to present to you my notable reads for the year 2017. Sure, everyone is doing it but here's my hook: These are the books I've read and enjoyed in 2017 but were not necessarily published this year.
The fact of the matter is, I probably read more books not published in each given year than those that are published in the current year. I'm always impressed with those who focus on reading mostly new books. Of course, this is coming from a chronically slow reader. There are just so many great books out there and even if I were a fast reader, there are just too many great books to get to that you couldn't possibly get to in any given year. 

So, let's get on with my list of notable books I've read in 2017! These are listed chronologically in order read from January through December.

• THE HOTTEST GAY MAN EVER KILLED IN A SHARK ATTACK by Douglas Hackle (2016) Douglas Hackle: I started the year off reading  Douglas Hackle's first long form story because I'd seen so many other fans of Bizarro say this was a strong contender for top Bizarro book of the year. Ya know what, they were right! This is a jolly good story about a sentient sled, the detached arm of a famous rock star, a polar bear-headed keytar player and a not-so-hot gay guy who take off on a road trip of epic proportions. It is as awesome as it sounds!

• TANUKI TANGO OVERDRIVE by Arthur Graham (2016) Arthur Graham:  Arthur Graham is an author and editor that's been in the bizarro game for quite sometime. Since stepping away from Rooster Republic Press he's gone on to edit the Horror Sleeze Trash Zine as well as focus more on his own writing. Tanuki Tango Overdrive was a fun romp that took me by surprise. It's a funny, over-the-top action adventure similar to A. Lee Martinez. Check out this hidden gem for a good laugh. Oh yeah and Tanukis are real and they have giant balls. Really!

• THE NIGHTLY DISEASE by Max Booth III (2016) Perpetual Motion Machine:  Originally published by the now defunct DarkFuse and since reissued by Perpetual Motion Machine, THE NIGHTLY DISEASE was another book I made a point of reading due to all the hype I'd seen the previous year on this darkly funny tale of life as a hotel night auditor. This is the type of book that takes you behind the scenes of a job you never knew could be so interesting. Okay, so, maybe author Max Booth III punches up the action from the true, ordinary and mundane night to night life on the job. But, if you've read Confession of a Hotel Night Auditor blog then maybe you realize there is an uncomfortable amount of truth to this dark, bizarre thriller.

• THE FIRST CUT by Chuck Buda (2016) La Cigolli Publishing:  Every year there seems to be at least one book I read that I enjoy even thought it has a lot of technical flaws. This year, Chuck Buda's The First Cut is that book. I loved the story and the characters in The First Cut. This is a very graphic, sexually perverse and violent story. It also represents a maturing in the storytelling skill of the author. I gave it three stars at first because of a few technical aspects that I felt hurt the overall reading experience. However, in the end, many months later this book still sticks to me. I can't wait to read on further in the series and see how it all plays out.

• HOME IS WHERE THE HORROR IS by CV Hunt (2017) Grindhouse Press:  CV Hunt is on the list again this year after winding up on last year's list with my uber-favorite, Ritualistic Human Sacrifice. I didn't think Hunt could follow-up such a strong book but Home Is Where The Horror Is is as nearly as strong an effort as the aformentioned book. This is a very real, very visceral story with vivid characters and a rather unique monster. Great horror and a book actually published in the year I read it! This one stuck to my ribs as well since reading it.

• HUSK by Rachel Autumn Deering (2016) Tiny Behemoth Press:  Yet another book I read to catch up on the buzz books of 2016. I wanted to grab a signed copy of this at a convention Deering and I were both at but unfortunately I was also vending books at a table and never had the opportunity to meet her. Nevertheless I grabbed the digital copy and found out what all the hubbub was about. In some ways this was similar in tone and feel to CV Hunt's Home Is Where The Horror Is and it's still unique unto itself. The monsters battled in this one come from within. Right. Right? Right!

• MINIVAN POEMS by Justin Grimbol (2016) Thicke & Vaney Press: This is exactly what it says it is, a book full of poems about minivans. Yet, you still cannot prepare yourself for the wonderful poems held within. These are very short, bite-sized poems that are an ode to minivans, country living, down-home folks, loved ones and butt. Lots of butts. I am not one for poetry at all but Justin Grimbol makes poetry a wonderful art accessible to everyone. I need more Minivan Poems in my life. And a hard copy of this book to put out on my coffee table.

• SPUNGUNION by John Boden (2017) Dynatox Ministries:  Right at the end of the year I read two fantastic books. Spungunion is one of those books. This one took me by surprise. I'd read another of Boden's books last year. I saw this title and thought the premise sounded pretty cool. The introduction by Bracken MacLeod stresses that no two John Boden stories are alike and boy is that the truth. Spungunion is nothing like Jedi Summer (the book I mentioned previously). Spungunion is some folksy, truck, road trip horror. The writing is keen and vivid. The prose is poetry. It's a short book but it packs a wallop. This is like Convoy if Convoy was a surreal horror thriller.

• IS WINONA RYDER STILL WITH THAT DUDE FROM SOUL ASYLUM? AND OTHER LURID TALES OF TERROR AND DOOM!!! by Douglas Hacks (2017) Douglas Hackle:  I start and end with Douglas Hackle. The only author who I read two of their works in 2017 and both knocked it out of the park. This book is a collection of absurdist short stories, the realm in which Hackle really shines. This should be taught in Bizarro lecture halls the world over. Perfection of the genre. This is how weird fiction is done.

So, there you have the top of my reading list for 2017. I don't like to stamp the list at 10 or 20 or anything like that. This is just the most enjoyable reads of the year. The list is longer than last year's which only featured six books. This year come in at nine. I put away more books than I did last year and I think overall I read a lot more quality stuff that the previous year. 

Some honorable mentions that didn't make the list would be: SUNFALL by Tim Meyer, Chad Scanlon and Pete Draper. M.R. Tapia's THE DIE-FI EXPERIMENT. JOHN WAYNE LIED TO YOU by John Wayne Comunale, VERY TRUE STORIES STARRING JEFF O'BRIEN by Jeff O'Brien. And CHILDREN OF THE DARK by Johnathan Janz.

I've already got a full reading list of what promises to be top notch shit for 2018. If the titles I have at the top of my To Be Read pile are any indication of the year in reading to come, it will prove to be a banner year in reading. Hope you're year in reading will be grand as well.

You can check out my full list of books read for 2017 HERE.

Music In Hell

BRATS IN HELL was written on a steady diet of Satanic inspired music. Though the story is horror comedy, Frank J. Edler felt keeping the tone of hell required maintaining a certain mood while writing the parts in Hell. This is an exposition of the music that inspired the the underworld of BRATS IN HELL.

I don't normally write with music on. I find it distracting. But for some reason, when it came time to write BRATS, I felt I needed some extra oomph to stay in that zone. True, I was writing a comedic version of Hell, but I still felt the story needed to keep this misfit, chaotic mood for these demons to exist in.

I though about how I saw the demons in my head. I honed their visage from metal album cover art. Two particular albums lent themselves heavily to how I saw these demons and the world they existed within. First is Rob Zombie, particularly White Zombie era Rob Zombie art. I always loved that type of demonic/satanic art. Its colorful and vibrant and conversely gross and disfigured. The Hell that exists in BRATS IN HELL is like that. There are several 'species' of demons which are identified by their primary color and their behavioral demeanor.

More over Rob Zombie type demons, I really saw my demons as the demons from a lesser know cover, Dangerous Toys "Pissed" album. They are a little trickier to pick up on. They are crawling out of the corners from the central image of the Dangerous Toys iconic clown. If you owned they album you saw bigger, isolated images of these demons on the inside folds of the liner notes. These demons were more sinister looking. They were were green and purple and red but they were darker shades of those cover. And they had a mischievous vibe about that. Also, they also had a sense of coming from a communal place where as Zombie's demonic figures are very singularly identified.

So these were the demons I saw in my mind as I wrote the story. I played a lot of Rob Zombie and Dangerous Toys as a result. I found it helped keep me in the zone of the atmosphere of Hell.

I took to Spotify and began to see out more Satanic, creepy, dark music. I knew to go to Venom's "Evil In A League With Satan" which was probably played the most during the writing of BRATS.




But BRATS IN HELL isn't a deeply dark story. I found Twisted Sister's "Burn In Hell" fit the mood of the book perfectly. Anyone familiar with the song probably recalls it being played in the movie Pee Wee's Big Adventure . The song, a dark, growling anthem stands in stark contrast to the silly mood of a Pee Wee Herman movie. If there were a soundtrack to BRATS this would be the lead song on the album.




Those who've not yet read BRATS IN HELL may not realize the book not only takes place in Hell but a good chunk of the book also is set in Heaven. For those more pure moments I turned to more "heavenly metal" to put myself in the proper state of mind. So in order to shift gears from Hell to Heaven I had to find a way to cast the devil out of my mind. The answer was simple, play Stryper's "To Hell With The Devil"




Before I sat down to write BRATS IN HELL, I found trying to listen to music, any music while writing a complete distraction. For BRATS I felt I really need to sink myself into a frame of mind while writing in the setting of Hell. The only way I figured could help that would be to listen to dark chugging heavy metal music with Satanic sounding lyrics.

I don't know if that mindset poured out onto the page but without a doubt it helped me chug though the writing and held my normally jocular, upbeat psyche down in a dark space for a little longer than it cared to linger.

I haven't written anything since that I've felt I needed to force a state of mind for. I do listen to music as I write from time to time. I try to play stuff I'm not familiar with so I don't start focusing on the lyrics and get distracted and start singing along. It's nice to have something in the background sometimes and serves the dual purpose of being able to discover new music at the same time.

I wonder, do you play music while you read? I thing that would be an even bigger distraction that listening while writing. What songs do YOU think would make a great BRATS IN HELL playlist?

Brats In Hell: The Recipe

It's summer and its grilling season. It's also summer and #FlatSatan is on the loose, enticing sinners with his alluring bratwurst recipe so that they might join his minions in Hell. If you're feeling a little naughty this summer, fire up the brimstones and cook your own delicious version of #FlatSatan's BRATS IN HELL!

You will need:

• 5-6 links of bratwurst
• lots of beer
• jalapenos, sliced 1/8" thick
•  oblong sheboygan buns
• hot sauce
• 100 proof alcohol

First: Fill a pot with lots of beer. Make sure its deep enough to float a half dozen bratwursts in. Bring the swill to a rolling boil. As soon as the beer bath is boiling, add your bratwursts to the bath and boil for 3 minutes. Remove bratwurst from beer bath and allow beer to cool.

Next:  Fire up your grill. Line up your beer boiled brats over direct heat as if they were the heathen souls of sinners cast off toeverlasting damnation in Hell. Turn as their skin blisters, chars and splits. Sear evenly on all sides. Be sure to leave pronounced grill marks on all sides as intimidation to those bratwursts who've yet to be tortured and eaten.

Finally: Cut open your Sheboygan buns and lightly toast insides on the hellishly hot grill grates. You'll want a toasty crust to repel the juices from soaking directly into your bread and turning the whole affair into an abomination of demonic proportions. Once the buns have been toasted to your desired wellness, tuck a bratwurst into each bun and garnish with a generous portion of jalapenos slices. Dress with your favorite brand of hot sauce.

Bonus: Douse the dressed bratwurst with pure grain alcohol like you are a South American drug cartel enforcer drenching an ungrateful gringo's car with gasoline to teach him who not to cross. Then, light the bratwurst aflame and eat.

Remember, these are BRATS IN HELL. They are not supposed to be pleasant to eat. This is your eternal damnation. Pile on those jalapenos and pour that hot sauce on like its ketchup. Don't you dare think about blowing out that blue-hot flaming bratwurst before you wrap your mouth around it.

Don't forget to chase it down with all that cooled-off boiled beer. Wasting beer is a mortal sin!

*Frank J. Edler, #FlatSatan, its subsidiaries and affiliates are not responsible for any Earthly injuries you may sustain while preparing or eating BRATS IN HELL. For a much safer BRATS IN HELL experience, buy the book on Kindle or Paperback or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. Always wear protection.

South of the Bratwurst

BRATS IN HELL premiers Tuesday, May 30th. Touted as "The WURST Book Ever Written", the latest release from Frank J. Edler is being marketed with a fondness and nostalgia for travel along the I-95 corridor between New York and Florida.

You've never SAUSAGE a book! Brats In Hell, my latest release, is the story of Otto Van Der Noodle and his award winning bratwursts. The bratwursts that taste so good, he influences the power balance over the forces controlling Hell. When it came time to start promoting BRATS IN HELL, I focused in on the bratwurst theme of the story. How do I promote a book about bratwursts?

The answer was simple, because from my childhood forward I traveled along Interstate 95 between New York and Florida more times than I could possibly count. Those who've traveled along I-95 will instantly know where I'm going with this. Those who haven't, let me clue you in.

There is a tourist attraction that people love to hate in the town of Dillon, South Carolina. It's called SOUTH OF THE BORDER. It's called that because, well, its just south of the border between North and South Carolina. It's that kitschy, clever type of pun that gives the place its loathsome charm. But half the fun of South of the Border is getting there.

There are said to be something in the neighborhood of 275 billboards up and down I-95 advertising SOUTH OF THE BORDER. The tourist trap itself features a motel, restaurant, fireworks shop and other shopping facilities and attractions. Each billboard either advertises a specific area of the complex or simply lure you in with something funny, eye-catching and a tease of how much further you have to go until you get there. It's the perfect distraction from the long drive to keep an eye out for Pedro and his billboards.

My absolute favorite were the ones that had a gigantic three dimensional hot dog on them that would read, "You never SAUSAGE a place!" So when it came time to promote my book about sausages the only logical conclusion was to take a cue from the experts of marketing, SOUTH OF THE BORDER billboards.

And just like that magical moment when you finally see the giant sombrero along side of I-95 in
Dillon, South Carolina, you can pick up your copy of BRATS IN HELL after having suffered through miles of my cheesy advertising and hold it proudly like a cheap souvinier and say, "I've made it to the WURST book ever written." and love every rotten moment of the pun.

For more fun information and facts on South of the Border and it's billboards, check out these cool web sites:

South of the Border History

South of the Border on Wikipedia

DWMorrison's Fun Facts of South of the Border

And of course, you can read BRATS IN HELL on Kindle, Kindle Unlimited and Paperback.

Check it out here.

BRATS IN HELL: The Wurst Book Ever Written

BRATS IN HELL: The Wurst Book Ever Written premiers Tuesday, May 30th. Available now for pre-sale, exclusively on Kindle eBook.

BRATS IN HELL is a book that has been three years in the making. Back in the summer of 2014 I sat down with the intention of writing one thousand words a day for 50 days to wind up with a 50,000 word novel in just under two month's time. Well, the story would end up just over 60,000 words and I took just a tad longer than two months to complete it. The end result was a story I was happy with, BRATS IN HELL.

What to do with the story now? I shopped it around. At first, I submitted it to a couple of publishers who said they would be receptive to reading it but alas, it fell on deaf ears, or eyes. I began compiling a list of publishers that I thought might have interest in the story. I submitted to horror publishers, bizarro publishers, weird fiction publishers and a speculative fiction outlet or two. All passed.

Admittedly, I feel BRATS is an odd fit for most publishers. Too strange for straight horror presses, too slapstick for serious speculative and dark fiction outlets and not quite weird enough for the more focused bizarre and weird fiction publishers.

I wrestled with self-publishing it all the while. Early on I felt I needed the skills of a publisher to present the book in the best light possible. But over the past two and a half years, I've self published a short story collection and novella length book. And I got progressively better at it. I've found a solid editor and a cover artist who understands me on a genetic level. I, myself, have gotten good at interior layout for both print and digital editions. So much so that I'm now confident I have the ability to make the book look as good as most any indie press would be capable of producing.

On Tuesday, May 30th, I will unleash the horde of demons collectively knows as BRATS IN HELL upon the world. Fuck it. I love the book and I want it to be out there. It's a great story, it really is. It's available for pre-sale right now. You could order it right now and have it waiting for you first thing on Tuesday morning when you wake up to face another day. You could flick it open on your favorite reading device and forget all your troubles for a few minutes or hours. You could immerse yourself in a world where the demons of Hell have everyday problems like you do. It is Hell, after all.

Also, if you haven't had a chance to read my other work, I've added some incentive ahead of the BRATS IN HELL release. Right now, DEATH GETS A BOOK, is only .99 cents on Amazon Kindle. Now is the prefect time to grab DEATH and get to know my silly, scary style of storytelling. You could also pick up SCARED SILLY, my short story collection which is always .99cents anywhere you buy eBooks.

At the moment, I don't have any appearances scheduled ahead of SCARES THAT CARE in Williamsburg in July. That maybe your first opportunity to score a signed copy of the book. If there are any opportunities that pop up ahead of that, you're going to need to sign up for my newsletter (find the sign-up in the upper right of this page) to be one of the first to get news of my latest appearences, signings and releases.

Until then, don't forget to pick up BRATS IN HELL, it's the WURST book ever written. Who wouldn't want to read that! Find it HERE!