Exploding Bears: A Savage Comedy

 

Check out EXPLODING BEARS: A SAVAGE COMEDY, the new release from dark comedy author, Frank J. Edler. Available now on Kindle eBook and Paperback on Amazon.com. Grab your copy of the most outrageous story you're bound to read this year.

Welcome to Wyld Louie's Exploding Bears Experience where every hour, on the hour, you can witness one of Wyld Louie's genuine, one-of-a-kind Exploding Bears blow up right before your very eyes!

MARVEL at the awesome power of a bear detonating into thousands of pieces.

RELISH the opportunity to be impaled with fragments of an exploded bear carcass.

TASTE a genuine, strawberry-flavored, beaver butt at Wyld Louie's Petting Zoo.

ENJOY the hospitality of Wyld Louie's courteous and friendly staff.

CHERISH the memories you'll leave with for a lifetime, including the bear claw impaled in your skull.

Spend the day at Wyld Louie's Exploding Bear Experience and have a Dynamite Time!









Readers are raving:


"The story is chock full of jokes, celebrity appearances, dry humor, witty humor, humor humor, you name it, it's here! This book is just plain ol' fun, you won't find another like it, especially one that can promise THIS many bears exploding!" -Dakota Dawe


"Hilarious, well developed characters and a strong plot make this a strong contender for my top 3 books of this year." -Matthew Clark, author of Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant F*cking Mantis


"Part classic literature, part business study, part exploding fucking bears, the entire novella is fantastically funny and entertaining." -Ghostville Hero Review


"No bear goes unexploded in this savage, fun, and bizarre release." -Tom Duffy


"10/5 Tongue lashings" -Christina Pfeiffer


"This was the craziest, weirdest, most bizarre story I have ever read. Holy rusty sherif badges and balloon knots. This is so fun, laugh out loud, tell your friends..." -Todd Love, author of Sweet Shot


Crazier than Joe Exotic. More eccentric than Doc Antle. More dangerous than Jeff Lowe. Experience EXPLODING BEARS: A SAVAGE COMEDY today on Kindle eBook and Paperback.

The Obituaries

I have two new Deaths to announce today.

First, A Death in Toledo, will be released on January 15th, 2021. You can reserve your Kindle Edition copy for only 99 cents now through January 14th. A Death in Toledo is a new book in the world first created in Death Gets a Book. This is not Death Gets a Book Part 2. A Death in Toledo is an all new story featuring all new Grim Reapers. There's vampires, edge lords, goths, punks, old people, Bon Jovi and much more crammed into this new dark horror comedy.

"Lawrence Nurdle fancies himself a Goth Edgelord. His girlfriend isn't impressed. To convince her he's the edgiest guy in Toledo, Ohio he joins a coven of vampires. The vampires kill Lawrence.

Death just wants to enjoy a ballgame. But Death has a job to do and must collect the soul of Lawrence Nurdle. There's just one problem. Death can only collect the souls of the dead and Lawrence is now undead, like the rest of the vampires."

If you enjoyed Death Gets a Book you're going to dig A Death in Toledo. If you've not read Death Gets a Book, no worries, A Death in Toledo stands on its own merit and is accessible for anyone who hasn't yet immersed themselves into my wild world of Grim Reapers.

A Death in Toledo will be available in Kindle eBook and paperback as well as available to subscribers of Kindle Unlimited on January 15th, 2021.

The second Death I need to announce is Death Gets A Book is currently in production to become an audiobook! That's right, I'm taking the plunge into the audiobook world with my first release, Death Gets a Book. I'm excited to get this out to the world. I'm working with a great narrator that is excited to make the world of Death Gets a Book come to life in your head. 

Details on the release of the audiobook version of Death Gets A Book are sparse at the moment. Production is expected to be completed mid-January. As I understand it, there are some delays on Audible's end but I am hoping for a release in February or March if all goes well. Stay tuned for more details as they become available.

Brats In Hell: The Recipe

It's summer and its grilling season. It's also summer and #FlatSatan is on the loose, enticing sinners with his alluring bratwurst recipe so that they might join his minions in Hell. If you're feeling a little naughty this summer, fire up the brimstones and cook your own delicious version of #FlatSatan's BRATS IN HELL!

You will need:

• 5-6 links of bratwurst
• lots of beer
• jalapenos, sliced 1/8" thick
•  oblong sheboygan buns
• hot sauce
• 100 proof alcohol

First: Fill a pot with lots of beer. Make sure its deep enough to float a half dozen bratwursts in. Bring the swill to a rolling boil. As soon as the beer bath is boiling, add your bratwursts to the bath and boil for 3 minutes. Remove bratwurst from beer bath and allow beer to cool.

Next:  Fire up your grill. Line up your beer boiled brats over direct heat as if they were the heathen souls of sinners cast off toeverlasting damnation in Hell. Turn as their skin blisters, chars and splits. Sear evenly on all sides. Be sure to leave pronounced grill marks on all sides as intimidation to those bratwursts who've yet to be tortured and eaten.

Finally: Cut open your Sheboygan buns and lightly toast insides on the hellishly hot grill grates. You'll want a toasty crust to repel the juices from soaking directly into your bread and turning the whole affair into an abomination of demonic proportions. Once the buns have been toasted to your desired wellness, tuck a bratwurst into each bun and garnish with a generous portion of jalapenos slices. Dress with your favorite brand of hot sauce.

Bonus: Douse the dressed bratwurst with pure grain alcohol like you are a South American drug cartel enforcer drenching an ungrateful gringo's car with gasoline to teach him who not to cross. Then, light the bratwurst aflame and eat.

Remember, these are BRATS IN HELL. They are not supposed to be pleasant to eat. This is your eternal damnation. Pile on those jalapenos and pour that hot sauce on like its ketchup. Don't you dare think about blowing out that blue-hot flaming bratwurst before you wrap your mouth around it.

Don't forget to chase it down with all that cooled-off boiled beer. Wasting beer is a mortal sin!

*Frank J. Edler, #FlatSatan, its subsidiaries and affiliates are not responsible for any Earthly injuries you may sustain while preparing or eating BRATS IN HELL. For a much safer BRATS IN HELL experience, buy the book on Kindle or Paperback or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. Always wear protection.