Kickstart My Fart [Part 2]

How'd it go? Depends on who you ask I suppose.

In case you're not up to speed. This morning Chuck Buda and I sat down at a Panera Bread in Central Jersey to conduct a writers retreat of sorts. We were originally supposed to have author Tim Meyer join as as well, but as you'll find out if you haven't read Part 1, things changed just a tad.

The long and short of the plan is that we would spend the morning writing in a sociable setting utilizing good company and motivational chatting to kick our writing output into high gear. If all went well, we would treat ourselves to a pint or two at one of New Jersey's many local breweries. Sounds like a good way to spend a Sunday, don't you think?

The music ambiance is terrible here.

So, how'd it go? I enjoyed the hell out of the experience. It was the first time I wrote in a social situation. I was surprised to find it wasn't very distracting. Chuck and I chit chatted a bit while we ate some breakfast. Once I put away my breakfast sandwich, I popped open the laptop and got to work.

I started out by writing the blog post from this morning. I like to use the blog format to get my mind wound up into writing gear. It worked like a charm. After snapping a few shots for the blog and posting it up, Chuck and I engaged in some more writerly banter. Then it was time to get into the main project.

Normally I try to use a kitchen timer and write in 15 minute bursts but since we were trying this casual writing situation, I skipped on the timer and figured I would write in a burst that lasted as long as it would last.  I spit out a good chuck of words and I really have no clue how long the burst was.

Chuck struggled to find the words today.

I refreshed my cup of coffee and got into some more writerly conversation with Chuck. Between writing sessions we talked about what we were working on, our approaches to self-publishing and even some podcast chatter as well. It was nice, I felt productive even when I wasn't tapping away at the keys.

It went back and forth between writing and talking for about three hours. By noon I'd written better then 1500 words (never even kept accurate count from where I started to where I ended.) I could see Chuck was tapped out as well. I suggested either changing locations or grabbing lunch elsewhere or even getting to a brewery a bit early.

Chuck said he just wasn't feeling up to much else on the day. I was cool with that. We'd spent three hours together. We'd done what we set out to do even if there were some bumps in the plan. We both agreed it is something we should do again sometime soon.

Lots of writing: Happy. No beer: Sad.

So when our schedules clear and the Meyer household is back in good health, we'll once again assemble and write the next Great American Novel around a table at a cafe somewhere in New Jersey.

And I'll be sure to bore you with all the details as a selfish writing exercise. Until then keep reading and keep writing.

Brats In Hell: The Recipe

It's summer and its grilling season. It's also summer and #FlatSatan is on the loose, enticing sinners with his alluring bratwurst recipe so that they might join his minions in Hell. If you're feeling a little naughty this summer, fire up the brimstones and cook your own delicious version of #FlatSatan's BRATS IN HELL!

You will need:

• 5-6 links of bratwurst
• lots of beer
• jalapenos, sliced 1/8" thick
•  oblong sheboygan buns
• hot sauce
• 100 proof alcohol

First: Fill a pot with lots of beer. Make sure its deep enough to float a half dozen bratwursts in. Bring the swill to a rolling boil. As soon as the beer bath is boiling, add your bratwursts to the bath and boil for 3 minutes. Remove bratwurst from beer bath and allow beer to cool.

Next:  Fire up your grill. Line up your beer boiled brats over direct heat as if they were the heathen souls of sinners cast off toeverlasting damnation in Hell. Turn as their skin blisters, chars and splits. Sear evenly on all sides. Be sure to leave pronounced grill marks on all sides as intimidation to those bratwursts who've yet to be tortured and eaten.

Finally: Cut open your Sheboygan buns and lightly toast insides on the hellishly hot grill grates. You'll want a toasty crust to repel the juices from soaking directly into your bread and turning the whole affair into an abomination of demonic proportions. Once the buns have been toasted to your desired wellness, tuck a bratwurst into each bun and garnish with a generous portion of jalapenos slices. Dress with your favorite brand of hot sauce.

Bonus: Douse the dressed bratwurst with pure grain alcohol like you are a South American drug cartel enforcer drenching an ungrateful gringo's car with gasoline to teach him who not to cross. Then, light the bratwurst aflame and eat.

Remember, these are BRATS IN HELL. They are not supposed to be pleasant to eat. This is your eternal damnation. Pile on those jalapenos and pour that hot sauce on like its ketchup. Don't you dare think about blowing out that blue-hot flaming bratwurst before you wrap your mouth around it.

Don't forget to chase it down with all that cooled-off boiled beer. Wasting beer is a mortal sin!

*Frank J. Edler, #FlatSatan, its subsidiaries and affiliates are not responsible for any Earthly injuries you may sustain while preparing or eating BRATS IN HELL. For a much safer BRATS IN HELL experience, buy the book on Kindle or Paperback or read it as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription. Always wear protection.

A Different Kind of Book Signing.

On November 11, 2016 I unleashed Death upon a brewery in Middlesex, New Jersey. That's right, I used my first book signing event as the premier of my new novella, DEATH GETS A BOOK! The good folks at Demented Brewing played host to myself and fellow writer, Chuck Buda for the evening, giving us some space in their gorgeous brewery to sign some books for the patrons and friends and family who came out for what felt like the social event of the season.

Books, Beer & Blood. 

The road to Demented started back in April 2016. Author Armand Rosamilia traveled back to his home state of New Jersey from his current home in Jacksonville, Florida. Armand was traveling the north east with his wife to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. He used the opportunity to release a book of short stories he'd written around his hometown of Belford, NJ. As luck would have it, one of his old friends now runs a brewery in his hometown called Belford Brewery. What better way to release a book about Belford that to do a book signing/release party in a brewery in Belford! It was a win-win for Rosamilia and it also got my wheels turning.

Local breweries are opening up all over New Jersey and across the country. If it worked for Armand, could it work for me? I'm far less established as an author and I didn't have any books centered around a local town with an operating brewery. I seemed like a great idea but I didn't see how I could make it work for me.

That changed on my trick to Williamsburg, Virginia. It was there, at the Scares That Care Charity Convention, that I met fellow author and fellow New Jerseyite, Chuck Buda. Chuck was a new writer and giant fan of Armand Rosamilia's work. Chuck was also a fan of the SHOCKER series I co-wrote with Armand. I spent a lot of time that weekend hanging with Chuck and we became fast friends. He is a great guy who has been bitten hard by the writing bug. He has a drive to succeed with his writing and he also uses Armand as a mentor like I do.

L to R: Chuck Buda, Jay Wilburn, Armand Rosamilia, Frank J. Edler

It wasn't after we got back to New Jersey that Chuck reached out to me and pitched me a wild idea.

"Let's do a book signing at Vintage Vinyl!" he proclaimed.

Of course I said yes. I'm adventurous and I'm willing to try anything to get the books out in front of people. But I was confused about the venue he was proposing. Vintage Vinyl is a local legend of a store. It is basically a record store that specializes in collectible, import and bootleg type music. They draw big name musicians to do appearances there from time to time. But writers? It was a cool idea but I wasn't sure they would go for it. I suggested other avenues we could also try. Local bookstores, libraries.... breweries?

Chuck agreed to expand our horizons and options. We compiled a list of places and reached out to all of them. The most interested and receptive bite came from Demented Brewing in Middlesex, New Jersey. Chuck and I met with the manager soon after. The place was perfect to host a horror book signing. As their name suggests, the place has a horror look and feel. There is a giant hand painted mural of hell. Everything is plain and brick trimmed in black and red. Their logo is a demon head and their beers are named after demons and horror inspired themes. They were all too happy to extend an invitation to us to have our signing.

We invited all of our friend and family to join us on November 11th at Demented. We stressed coming out to hang out with us and have a few drinks and a good time. We kinda pitched the books on a secondary basis. Ya know, like, while you're here enjoying a beer check out these books we have here on the table type of thing. Plus of course, we hoped to draw the attention of Demented's regular patrons as well.

It paid off. We packed in the brewery. We sold a bunch of books. And most important, we all had a great night!

Frank and Chuck with author Tim Meyer

So I can say will a full degree of confidence, look out for me at a local Jersey brewery near you! Chuck and I are already planning another signing at Demented in April and we are canvassing the state's other breweries to see where else we can set up shop and throw back a few with our friends, family and fans. I hope you'll come out and continue the trend.


Additionally, I'd like to officially announce that Chuck Buda and I will be selling our words at Scares That Care 2017 in Williamsburg, VA and we are working on a few other Jersey area conventions as well.

See you on the road in 2017!


*I did an audio recounting of the signing at Demented with Chuck Buda and Armand Rosamilia on the Mando Method Podcast. You can LISTEN HERE.*