Sunday, October 5, 2014

Death IS Getting A Book

Hey Folks!

Yeah, I'm still here. Things have been quiet for awhile. However, there is some news on the writing front to share so let's get you all up to speed.

First, BRATS IN HELL is still in a holding pattern waiting to be reviewed by a potential publisher. There is not much more I can say about it other than that.

In the time since I completed the BRATS IN HELL, I've had two short stories released in the State of Horror Anthology series published by Charon Coin Press. State of Horror: New Jersey features my story Pork Roll, Egg and Sleaze. It has the honor of being the first story in the anthology and has been getting exellent feedback.  In the State of Horror: Illinois book I have a story entitled  In Chicago, The Dish is So Deep, No One Can Hear You Scream. The title maybe longer than the story but I still had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you will check out both.

While we are on the subject of the State of Horror anthology series, I am also able to announce that I have been officially accepted into one of the books for the next round of releases. State of Horror: North Carolina will contain my tale of fowl poop entitled Chicken Bingo. You may ask how this story (loosely based on a true personal experience) about chicken crap can possibly be horrific? You will have to wait for the new release from Charon Coin Press to find out. Be on the lookout early 2015.

Finally some new business that I am happy to announce. Over the summer I embarked on a new career (the one that pays the bills). My new job absorbed a lot of my time between new hours and intensive training. Needless to say, my writing suffered somewhat. I was able to keep writing but my output slowed severely.

Fortunately, I am through the most difficult part of my training. Also, the work is very seasonal and going into the fall and winter months, I will find myself with more and more time to dedicate back to writing.

With that in mind, I wanted to focus on a new novel length work. My decision was to dedicate an entire book to the subject of my first published work and the most praised character I've wrote to date. In short:


Death, from Death Gets A Life is getting his own book. The tentative title: DEATH GETS A BOOK.

On October 1st, I started writing for the book. The model is the same as BRATS IN HELL, 50,000 words in 50 days. The story will not be one linear story but more a collection of various length short stories around the character Death. There is a bit more to it than that but that is the nuts and bolts of the idea.

So if you were a fan of Death Gets A Life, stay tuned here to get updates on Death and his new book.
As always you can look over to the right hand side and check on the progress of DEATH GETS A BOOK by monitoring the word meter.

Thank you for your continued interest in what I'm doing. I really hope that 2015 can bring not one but two books for you and thus the start of something great. Until there are plenty of short stories to check out in SCARED SILLY, The State of Horror Anthologies, Strange Fucking Stories, Strange Versus Lovecraft and of course, Armand Rosamilia's STILL DYING 2.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A Challenge To Zombie Writers

In June, I had the unique opportunity to interview over twenty different authors of zombie fiction for The Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2014. In fact, this was my third year conducting these interviews for this annual blog tour. Each year, among other questions, I've always asked the same two questions in one form or another:

1) Do you think zombie fiction has become over-saturated?
2) Does the genre need to evolve lest it become a victim of its own popularity?

Each and every year, the majority of the responses to these two questions is always the same. The genre is not over-saturated and zombie are fine just the way they are.

I am first and foremost a reader of zombie fiction. I am, I'm afraid to admit, a Johnny-come-lately to the subject. It wasn't until I opened up World War Z that I became entranced with the subject. Soon after, I began to consume all matter of zombie fiction I could find. From big press to indie authors, I loved it all. In fact, it was because of zombie fiction that I came to embrace and respect self-published authors and indie press.

But then something awful happened. I read so much I began to realize I was reading the same story time and again. It was becoming monotonous. The dead had risen from the grave. They were hungry. A small band of survivors. A safe place to live that ultimately becomes compromised. A boat. An island. A crossbow and a machete.

And sinew. Always sinew.

I am afraid that zombie fiction is becoming what hair metal became in the late 80's. Zombie fiction will drive itself into the dirt riding on the wheels of its own mediocrity. I think it's time for Nirvana.

You could reinvent the zombie. It's happening already. Some zombies are fast now. Some have emotion. Some are aware. In my short story collection, SCARED SILLY, there is a story called Old Scrote that is centered around a zombie who has an appetite for something other than brains. I challenged myself to write a different kind of zombie story and the first place I decided to change was the zombie itself... and not by much. All I did was change its appetite and asked how would things be if this zombie wanted to eat a penis? The result was one of my favorite pieces to write and I have garnered a lot of positive responses to its different point of view.

What if instead of the survivors being a rag tag band of misfits or a reluctant loner forced with an adolescent charge or a military or police officer leading a pack of less than resilient civilians, the survivors are a tribe in Africa?  Maybe they could be that tribe in Africa that elongates their necks with a series of rings stacked up around their necks. Their heads, and thus their brains, are now out of reach of the average zombie rendering them the last living people on Earth left to deal with the scourge of the dead. You can take that ball and run with it, just credit me in the beginning of the book and send me a free copy!

Strip it down and reconstruct the whole thing. Why do the dead have to come back from the grave? Why can't something like food come to life period? Another alternative zombie story you will find in SCARED SILLY is entitled, GROSSeries. In it, a husband laments a trip to the grocery store to shop for his wife who is caught working late. To make matters worse, all the food becomes animated and leaps off the shelves to attack the shoppers. The reluctant hero must fight, aisle by aisle, to escape the ravenous food products and encounters a baby he must rescue along the way. Will they escape? Will escaping the confines of the grocery store be enough to survive? I guess you may have to read to find out.

I don't think it takes much to nudge the entire genre into a more interesting direction.  So I challenge you, the writers of zombie fiction, to write a book, a short story or a flashy little blog piece. Try something different. Take it in a new direction. Find an road that you haven't found traveled and follow that path to see where it takes you.  And when you take up the challenge and come up with an end result, be sure to share it with me.

I sure would love to read that!

My short story collection, SCARED SILLY, features the alternative zombie stories Old Scrote and GROSSeries as well as three other frighteningly funny tales to tickle your funny bone.  It is available in paperback as well as eBook from Amazon, Barnes&Noble and other major eBook retailers.


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Get Scared Silly

On May 23, 2014 SCARED SILLY will be available for purchase at all major online retailers. It will be available for the ridiculously low price of just $.99 in eBook.

What do you get when you mix a penis eating zombie with a downtrodden grim reaper then add a pinch of lycanthopic mad scientist, sprinkle it with a grocery store full of living food and mash it into a frightening red eyed monster?


Let author, Frank J Edler, take you into a world of not-so-serious horror. This collection features five frighteningly funny tales from the wicked and wacky writer. Laugh yourself to death as you read the stories:  Old Scrote, SPLAT!, Death Gets A Life, GROSSeries and  Wolfberries.

Those who quickly entered their email address in to be a part of the newsletter were treated to this news several days ago so don't miss out on exclusive news. Enter your email address in the Newsletter box at the top right hand side of the page. It's just that easy!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014


On April 1, 2014 I set out to accomplish something I never have before. It seemed like a daunting task at the time. I knew it would take time and I set a time frame and a minimum pace in order to archive that goal. On the first day of April, I set out to write my first book.

As I've stated, ad nauseam by this point, the way I was going to accomplish this was to write 1,000 words per day for fifty days. The goal being a first draft of fifty thousand words (at least) by May 20, 2014.

Am I happy to announce that today, May 13, 2014 I crossed the fifty thousand word mark. Seven days ahead of schedule. There is still some story left to write, so I'm not stopping here. I should have the entire first draft complete by my May 20th deadline so there is still a small victory for me to attain. But the main goal has been reached and I actually feel accomplished.

At times I've felt like I was zipping along. Other times it feels like I've been at it forever. But really, when I take a step back and look, its only been a month an a half. At that rate I could write eight 50,000 word first drafts in one year. That's kind of impressive to think about though I would never be so mad as to try it.

Thing is, I know there is still a lot left in the process of getting this book out to the public. When the first draft is done I have to go back and do the part I dread the most, self-edit. Then when I'm sure I've got it as clean as I can it will be shared with a few select others for some more clean up. Then we reach the point where I have to make a final decision on whether I want to shop the book around to indie publishers or tackle publishing on my own.

So there is still a way to go before I can get this out to the wide world. If all goes as I hope BRATS IN HELL will be available sometime in the Fall 2014. Winter the latest. I hope.

Thanks for following along on this trip to 50,000 words. Please stick around. There is a lot more to come.

PLEASE sign up for my newsletter as well. The sign up is in the upper right of the blog menu. Everyone who subscribes will be the FIRST to know about new and exciting news in Frank J Edler world.  You'll be the inaugural members of my fan club. In the future there will be special offers and giveaways available exclusively to newsletter subscribers. AND the first big piece of news will be coming out this Friday, May 16th so don't wait, sign up now!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Newsletter Launching Soon

Hello again!

In the interest of being proactive ahead of a bevy of exciting announcements coming in the near future, I have started a email Newsletter. So those who chose to sign up for the email alerts can be on the front lines of news and upcoming releases as well as exclusive bonus offers only for those who sign up for the newsletter!

So if you take a look to the right of the screen you will see a little sign up box. Just quick pop in your information and BANG! You'll be a member of the secret society. You will rejoice in the knowledge that you will be getting the FRESHEST news possible and special goodies as they become available.

I promise you there will be no spam. There won't be daily or weekly updates. Only news alerts as there is news to share. It will always be exclusive information, released ahead of any announcements on social media outlets.

If you sign up now you will be poised to receive the first major announcement I have coming later this week. Be in the know and sign up before the release of the first newsletter! It only takes a moment and long term you will benefit from being a subscriber.



Thursday, May 1, 2014

Little Victories

It's been awhile since I checked in with you all. The first draft of BRATS IN HELL is now 75 percent complete. It's also May1st which means only 20 days remain to complete my goal in time.

Can I do it?

Oh, you betcha! I'm a little more than 37k words into the story. The goal is 50k by May 20th. So at my current pace of 1k words per day I should cross the finish line with a few days to spare. Certainly, I won't stop dead in my tracks there. If there is more story to be told obviously I will go until it's done.

Have I been honest with myself and suck to writing a minimum of 1k per day? Honestly? No. BUT... by and large I have and then some. Even on days where I have come up short, I've always written something. I think my worst day was still a little more than 500 words. Plus, weekends have proven fruitful at times where I've pumped out over 3k words over the course of two lazy days. In the end, it's all even out pretty much.

The story itself has just reached the end game. The battle for Hell is about to go down. The most exciting part is that someone has to die, I'm just not sure who yet. I have to wait for the story to tell me. That had been the most fun part of all this. No matter how much I plan, outline and jot down notes, the story doesn't really play out until I actually write it. Often the story has given my outlines and notes the middle finger. The story says "F You! THIS is how it goes down!" That is when is been strongest too.

To round out this update with a bit of happy news, I've had two short stories accepted into two different anthologies. Just before I started to write BRATS IN HELL, I wrote these two stories. They are both for a series of anthologies called STATE OF HORROR. Each anthology focuses on one of the states. The first two are for New Jersey and Illinois. I managed to get a story into each. Look out for them this summer!

I imagine my next post will come when I cross the finish line. I'll talk to you all then.


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Finding A Routine

Thanks for checking back in! BRATS IN HELL is progressing nicely. As of this post I am over 15,000 words in. It feels like the right time for an update on my progress. Although I am only one third of the way in, it's been an experience very different from my short story writing experiences. Despite all my preparation, I was not prepared for all the forks I've encountered already.

The first three things I wrote down in my initial outline were:  Beginning, Middle and End. From there I kept breaking down each part into more and more detail to get the skeleton of the book. I can safely say I'm now into 'The Middle'. There was no magic delineation point, no particular chapter that says 'ok, this is the middle.' It's just a feel based on what's going in in the story. The same way NASA can say Voyager is now in interstellar space. There was no defined line, it was just based on a feel of where the craft was based on its surroundings.

I didn't set out with any specific sub plots. There are three that have developed naturally through the story telling. I'm really happy where the story is going and when I read back what's been done, I think it's pretty dang good. Though there will not be a story reveal any longer, I can say that before this blog series is over I will have a more thorough synopsis of BRAT IS HELL before it is done.

I've also been hitting my 1k/day word count with no problem. Surprisingly I've been doing this with no set routine getting it done. Everyday I seem to get there a bit differently than the last day. Typically I'll sneak in a couple hundred words in at work then come home and polish off the count. However, some days I'm so busy running kids around to this, that and the other thing that I have to find every precious moment to tap in a few words where I can. Then when I finally get home, make dinner and eat, I have to pray I have enough umph left in the tank to shoot out the last few words.

I have to admit, one day my count only came in at 989. I was outta gas and any more words would have been frivolous. I called it a night knowing that the night before I finished with close to 1400 words and generally I'm about 1100 a day.
So I'm not letting the little things bug me. I keep reminding myself  'you're not going to finish in one week or two' and that I just have to keep plugging away and tell the story. There's still a long way to go but when I look at that word counter sitting over 15,000 I feel accomplished coming this far.


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

REBLOG: Writing in the Dark: The (Extremely) Short Guide to Writing Horror

Great marketing tid-bit for writers who visit cons. ReBlogged from Writing In The Dark

Writing in the Dark: The (Extremely) Short Guide to Writing Horror: THE (EXTREMELY) SHORT GUIDE TO WRITING HORROR Recently, I attended the Horrorhound convention in Cincinnati. It was sponsored by Samh...

Monday, March 31, 2014

Beware The Ends of March

I am on the eve of my official start to writing Brats In Hell. It's rather anticlimactic seeing as I've already started writing. Still, I figure now is as good a time as any for an update.

I have the Prologue and Chapter One done. I've just finished up the first half of Chapter Two. I'm just shy of 7000 words. In some ways I feel accomplished: two and a half chapters down already. In other ways I'm not yet impressed with myself: my current word count is right about where most of my short stories finish up. I think when I hit 10k I will feel like I've broken through to a new level. That word count will represent the single longest piece I've written to date and it will start to feel more like I'm writing a book at that point.

Early on in this project, I'm surprised how far off from the original outline I am already. The original outline did not call for a prologue. Not only do I have one but it is the second one I wrote, the first attempt felt stale, the second feels way better as a opener to grab your attention. I am still glad I did an outline. I need a map. It has a lot of great notes on direction, characters and world details. I don't think the words would be flowing so easily nor would I be able to sit down in front of the keys so confidently day after day without the outline to guide me through this story. I remain a fan.

Your story reveal this time is a longer form description of the story:
Satan rules the Nine Circles of Hell with an iron fist and the best damned bratwurst this side of the River Styx. That is until the Bratwurst King of Wisconsin, Otto Van Der Noodle, is cast into the Pit of Hell. Now Hell's Kitchen isn't the only game in town.
When the demons of Hell get a taste Otto's award winning brats, Satan's minions begin to pick sides. Satan feels the firm grasp of his reign in Hell begin to slip. The stage is set for the ultimate battle for Hell.
Will the humble Bratwurst King from Milwaukee wrest the throne of Hell from Lucifer or will Satan crush the only challenge to his reign over Hell?  Take the demonic journey in BRATS IN HELL to find out whose brats will be a cut above the rest.


Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Drawing Inspiration

I want to talk a little bit about somewhere very special I've been drawing inspiration from. Author Armand Rosamilia started a campaign to collect new books from authors and publishers to ship over to the brave men and women defending our country in Kuwait and Afghanistan. The drive is called Authors Supporting Our Troops 2014 and Rosamilia's efforts have harvested over 1700 books from over 200 authors thus far. If you are a writer or a publisher I implore you to join and participate in this worthwhile cause.

I, myself, do not have a book to donate to the cause. I have four short stories published in four different books, but none that I can call my own just yet. Part of the kick in the ass I've got to change that is inspired directly from the ASOT 2014 event. Armand Rosamilia has been posting tons of pictures daily of myriad books spanning all genres and interests. It is awe inspiring to see the generous outpouring from the writing community. But there is another inspiration there as I see the books stacking up and the list of contributors getting longer and longer, these are people who buckled down and got it done.

So everyday I see a handful more pictures of books sent in for our service men and women to read somewhere in the desert a world away. A little opportunity for a piece of home and a moment to escape the realities they face. I am driven to write my own book that, hopefully, if there is another book drive next year, I too will be able to donate to and join in this always inspiring writing community.

As for the writing update: I continue to tap away at the prologue. I actually started a new prologue entirely. The first stab was a straight forward narrative that just felt full of useless detail and was not really going anywhere. Today I started anew writing what amounts to a television news report of the scene. I can better visualize the scene playing out this way and the words are flowing more freely. So I feel justified in the early start now as I've taken one step forward and two steps back. I'm sure there will be more of that to come.

Your story reveal today is the short description:

In Hell, The Devil makes the best brats. His demonic minions can't get enough of them. That is until Otto Van Der Noodle, the Brat King of Miliwaukee is cast into Hades Pit."


Monday, March 24, 2014

The Calamity Begins Prematurely

 The more I post in this blog the more I find a need to do everything I hate. Just talking about what I'm writing seems so lame. I'm the only one interested yet I feel compelled to do this for no other reason then to keep myself honest and on track. This blog serves to make me accountable for my own promises.

Now I am compelled to post one of those silly progress meters as well. One more thing that is only of any interest to me. I guess I'm going to have to learn that I am my own biggest fan. I'm routing for me. I am okay with that.

On to progress news: I've started writing ahead of schedule. Tapping out the prologue at the moment. I'm not doing it on my 1k/day rate yet. Just dipping my toes in and finding my voice in the story. I feel alot better getting on with the meat of the matter. There is really only so much preliminary outlining one can do. I've come to realize I am going to have to launch with what I have. I've no doubt that even with outlining will have to be retooled as things progress. I guess that's my big lesson for this week. Nothing is written in stone until it's published.

And even then...

Story reveal for this post. With just over a week before the official start of writing I guess it's time to release the working title. Keep in mind, the title alone may conjure one image and not that of the true story. The plot will be forthcoming this week. Please, play some fanfare in your mind:



Thursday, March 20, 2014

If I Could Have A Brief Moment Of Your Time

Hey folks, thank you for your early support and interest in the OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES AND I HAVE ONE blog. I hope I've sparked a small amount of interest early on in my writing project.
I'm nearly done with my story outlining and I may just start writing earlier then anticipated. Why wait right?

Part of the fun of reading this blog is going to be the slow reveal of the project. I gave you a few vague tidbits in my first blog post. With each successive post I will drop more reveals on you, this one included.

But I want you to work for this one. So if you'll give me a brief moment of your time, I'd like if you would hear me out and consider helping me out in return for a few writing project reveals. Here goes:

My daughter, Isabella, was born prematurely. She is a now happy, healthy and vibrant 7 year old  thanks in large part to the research, funding and fund raising of the March of Dimes.

On April 27 I will be participating in the March of Dimes Walk For Babies. I have set a small personal fund raising goal which I hope to easily blow out of the water with your help. Please consider making a small, medium or large donation to help thank March of Dimes for all they have done for children who would not fared as well early had it not been for this organisation.

March of Dimes continues making strides in new born and prenatal care and family wellness. Your contribution will help make it possible for families in the future to share in the joy that we as parents feel for our preemie baby.

Please visit my March of Dimes Fund Raising Page for more information and to help with your gift.

Thank you,


The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

There, that wasn't so hard. Seriously, any amount at all would be awesome! Help babies not be dead, it's up to you! And now, as promised, more reveals on the writing project:

  • The protagonist's name is Otto Van Der Noodle of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
  • Otto is famous for making a certain food
  • The story will open at a festival in celebration of this food item
Thanks for your time and hopefull your help! See you next time!


Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Journey of Fifty Thousand Words Starts With One Keystroke

I had an idea. I can't really remember what birthed it. It was small at first and kept growing the more I paid it some mind. Now this idea has expanded into what I believe will become my first novella length story. In order to see this project through to the end, I've taken many early steps. This blog is one of them.

OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES AND I HAVE ONE will serve as one of those vehicles to help me keep focus and honest to this writing project. Obviously, it's mostly for me but if you find some sort of interest in following this process then welcome aboard. I used to scoff at writers who put their progress out to the public as if we somehow care about anything other then the final product. I would be remiss to not recognize the efforts of rookie writer, Tony Baker and his tireless dedication to sharing his progression from start to finish of his first book. And with a great deal of success which I hope to use as a model for some aspects of my own writing project.

At this time, to keep it at least somewhat intersting to anyone following along, I won't reveal many details of the project. I'll start out by giving you this much: 
  • This is projected to be a 50,000 word project.
  • Initial outlining of the story is already taking place
  • I have set a firm start date of April 1, 2014
  • My goal is 1000 words/day for fifty days to complete the first draft.
Lofty? I'd like to think I'm being reasonable out of the gate. I know the words per day rate I can handle based on my output writing short stories. I have never utilized an outline for a story before but the size of the project coupled with my expected output really necessitated it I felt. I think having a map will help get this done withing my self imposed time frames. I will do everything possible to stick to my own rules but I think I've given myself enough wiggle room to allow for unforeseen circumstances without frustrating myself during the long haul.

That's about all I'm going to talk about in this first installment. Check back as I will reveal more about the plot, the title and the process as I head toward the April 1st start date. Then keep checking back as I write this bad boy out and check in here with how things are going.